So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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