god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
