I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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