i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
