my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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