A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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