he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
