Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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