I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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