I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
