this beer tastes like vomit already
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
