You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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