Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
