It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
