I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
