he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
