she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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