shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
