My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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