I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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