and she was petting her beer can
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i think im in europe. pls send help
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
