Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
