totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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