drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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