I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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