you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
