Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My ATM looks so different sober.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
