Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
