Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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