Im at strip club and am horny
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
