No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
