6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
