You don't have asthma, your pregnant
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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