There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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