In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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