2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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