Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
