addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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