i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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