At least make sure they are 18
Why
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
