We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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