Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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