you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
