I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
