i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
