Where is the hickey?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
