guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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