Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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