I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
