I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
two words: eviction party
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
