Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
