every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
