i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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