I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
