i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
