pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
