My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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