So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
