I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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