Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
