You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
